PUNE'S TRAFFIC SOLUTION..
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THE JACUZZI-AMRIT-MANTHAN
SYSTEM.
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Anyone who has wandered through the churning, heaving waves
and whirlpools of traffic in Pune will vouch for the fact that Pune has, in
keeping with its “Intelligent-city” image, a very intelligent policy towards
vehicular and pedestrian movement.
We use scientific principles of “Fuzzy
Logic” and “Random-movement-of-electrons” and “straight-line-motion-of-light
waves” as the Method for Movement of Men and Machines along the corridors
of the city.
We are also the cultural Capital
of the State and so we also use the Epics and the description of “Amrit-Manthan”
as our guiding principles, in our daily lives..
We save on fuel by using the
shortest distance between points and if there are one-ways, dividers,
pedestrian crossings, or pavements that hinder such straight-line movement, we
simply ignore their pestilential presence and drive straight over them …..
All in the interest of doing our
National duty to save fuel…
We creep up past the stop-signal
line because doing so makes maximum use of space, in this perennially crowded
world….
We honk loudly so that we can
warn those dolts who insist on stopping for traffic signals, and who foolishly abide with Traffic speed limits, rules and signals…..
We shoot across traffic before
our signal turns green because we value our time, and cannot be bothered by
something so pointless as waiting for the signal to turn green.. After all, the
traffic signals are a western-invention, more on the lines of Christmas
tree-decorations, not like our Diwali lights which we, once a year, do venerate
and care for…
NOW I HAVE DISCOVERED
THAT PUNEITES HAVE FOUND THE PERFECT SOLUTION TO THEIR TRAFFIC WOES..
Our Traffic Planners have worked
it all out, keeping the Puneite Mind in focus…
They have worked out that it is
not necessary to have Traffic signals which in fact cause stress by making some
foolish law-abiding citizens clash with those who don’t…after all, there is
nothing to be gained, is there, by insisting that the Law be followed?
So they looked to the two
principles of western and eastern origin…
The Western- theory… the
Jacuzzi..
The Eastern thought: The Amrit
Manthan…
FIRSTLY THE JACUZZI ONE..
The Jacuzzi in principle ensures
de-stressing by immersing you in a contradictory pattern of Pressurized flow of
water, coming at you in concentrated sprays from all directions, according to
the fuzzy log of the computer that runs it..
So our Traffic Planners decided
to use the Fuzzy Logic embedded in every Puneite..
Therefore they have (at several
points of great stress-inducing-Traffic Concentrations around Pune) worked out
that Puneites will, always (as mentioned above) use Fuzzy logic and straight-line
movement, and also random-movement, and drive/walk/run/ride straight across to
the point that they want to go to, be it across the road, across the flow of
traffic, into the face of incoming traffic, and the same Self-preservative
genes will ensure that everyone goes across…
I point out to the traffic Flow
on Jungli-Maharaj Road, at Deccan..
The flow of traffic on that
notionally one-way road meets flows coming from Good Luck Chowk at 90 degrees,
and that traffic flow then cuts right across right to left, to the Baba Bhide
Bridge, meeting the reverse flow that
rises out of the river bed onto the Jangli Maharaj road, cutting across
left-to-right across the Jangli Maharaj
Road to climb onto the Garware Subway to go to Fergusson College road… that
also allows everyone to look out for the PMT buses that come out of the bus
terminus there, and for them to enter the terminus too…
The Pedestrians… they are there
for target practice… sometimes so self-induced as to seem suicidal….
Other points of reference… Just
to name a few…
The Kala-Niketan to Modern Café
stretch…
The Collector Office stretch…
The Swar-Gate square..
The Pul Gate Bus-stand stretch…
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Jacuzzi, see?
All these flows are de-stressing,
and it is only the allegedly-rational thinkers who foolishly oppose this
methodology of using “a contradictory pattern of Pressurized flow of Traffic,
coming at you in concentrated sprays from all directions, according to the
fuzzy logic of the computer that runs it..”…
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SECONDLY, THE EASTERN THOUGHT:THE AMRIT MANTHAN…
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When the evils of the world and the injustices in it rose to such
great levels, and threatened to drown all that lived in it, the Gods churned it
and through hard labour, derived Amrit ( the Nectar of the Gods that ensures
eternal life) from it..
Our Traffic Planners are doing
something along those lines…
At these spots, they allow
Traffic to churn, all that torment being for its own good, so that they can
derive the Nectar of clean-flowing traffic…
It is only a coincidence, not by
design or a result of lack of rational
planning, that instead of Amrit (Immortality-giving nectar) Manthan this now results in Mrityu ( Death) Manthan…often…
Yes, we are a Protected People,
in Pune…..
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